Texas Team Travels Turns Topsy Turvy
Aug 22, 2019 12:46:40 GMT -5
The Rocketmen, The West Coast Knockouts, and 1 more like this
Post by The Rocketmen on Aug 22, 2019 12:46:40 GMT -5
Today, Ronda Rousey replied publicly to the constant, albeit nagging, challenges flowing out of The Texas Rattlesnakes team camp lately. But there's more that comes along with those challenges.
We met up with a reporter who was close to the scene of a Texas retreat, invited by a fight member of the club. His tale of the happenings of this synergy-building event were quite shocking, to say the least.
"It's like someone lit a fire under their ass and told them to get busy," said one ManMMA columnist. "The team went to some retreat, did some self reflecting, everything was going good. And then their team manager showed up. Think of this. You got some group of 15-20 people all out experiencing nature, camping under the stars, really roughing it, you know? I mean like build your own fire. All they brought were those throw tents, you know the ones you saw in the movies in the 50s? They hang up a rope, throw a tarp over it and call it a day."
Photos have not yet been approved for public viewing, but we had a sketch artist design the site as described:
"Then their manager shows up. Limo. Suit. RV follows. Behind the RV is delivery from food company. Steaks. This team gets frazzled. Manager jumps right in, tries participating in everything, but his suit keeps getting more and more dirty, so he gets more and more fussy. It's crazy. Every time something needs to get done and people are volunteering, he runs back to the RV, changes into another suit and then comes out when he knows the work is done."
We had a second artist sketch the RV, because we ran out of money on the first sketch artist:
"At one point, they collected all of their dirty clothes, prepared to wash them in a small river off the lake, and piled them to the side. Their manager thinks this is some sort of ritual forest nap, lies down on the pile, and they can't move him for literally hours. It was quite upsetting. At one point, Karolina had to borrow Ryan Bader's sweater that she wore as a dress just to get through the evening. Dustin Poirier and Bader washed the clothes themselves at night, and hoped they would be dry by the morning. They were not. Meanwhile, here comes the manager rushing out of his RV with a delivered Starbucks Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino."
We had no idea what that is, but it was instagrammed on the manager's account.
Our agency was shocked by both the price and the unusual small size of the manager's hands in the photograph. So too were comments made of his small, delicate fingers. The Texas GM gave multiple explanations including "it's forced perspective," and "why is your face so stupid?" and finally "because I was born that way you bastard!"
When the reporter asked a few members of the fight team why they tolerate it, the same answer came back: "money."
One fighter was quoted as saying "I just need to win some big money fights so I can buy my own gym and get the fuck out of here." That fighter was immediately traded when one of his own challenges for what he perceived would be a big money fight was rejected by the, arguably, better fighter. To protect those involved in this matter, we have decided not to disclose the name of the fighter that lost by KO (punches) just 4:14 into round 1 in the unnamed fight event that happens every 14th card of a season.
Another fighter pointed at his tent, now surrounded by waste and obvious recycling-potential material tossed about by the manager, and said "the ground is no place for a champion or recycling!"
When the manager finally - after not one but two full length play-throughs of George Straits "All My Ex's Live in Texas" - left the camp with a wave and a few more tosses of debris out his window because they were, quote, "gross and disgusting", the team regrouped around a fire created by Megan Anderson, as Cody Garbrandt kept circling it and yelling at it to start, until it did start and he backed away from embers that he punched at but kept getting burned, the team discussed what to do moving forward.
And that is where the idea of a team-wide challenge came about.
As the team collected themselves and climbed back on their mountain bikes to head back to the city after the synergy-retreat, they passed another nearby camp where the manager for xx - The King's Poison showed up in an SUV, smoking "at least 12 cigarettes" at one time, before tossing them, immediately creating a small forest fire the team put out, leaving the trees barren. Then their manager, as recalled by our reporter, was "trying to ski in the middle of summer, had a tuque on, a fake beard, his belly was showing over top his belt, and he immediately broke one of his skis, because, you know, it's fucking summer? And I am pretty sure he had a bag of crack in his pocket. He kept screaming 'fuck those trees, my skis won't work!'"
Sketch artist recreation:
Neither team has returned request for comment at this time.
UPDATE: We have received comment from The Texas Rattlesnakes
We met up with a reporter who was close to the scene of a Texas retreat, invited by a fight member of the club. His tale of the happenings of this synergy-building event were quite shocking, to say the least.
"It's like someone lit a fire under their ass and told them to get busy," said one ManMMA columnist. "The team went to some retreat, did some self reflecting, everything was going good. And then their team manager showed up. Think of this. You got some group of 15-20 people all out experiencing nature, camping under the stars, really roughing it, you know? I mean like build your own fire. All they brought were those throw tents, you know the ones you saw in the movies in the 50s? They hang up a rope, throw a tarp over it and call it a day."
Photos have not yet been approved for public viewing, but we had a sketch artist design the site as described:
"Then their manager shows up. Limo. Suit. RV follows. Behind the RV is delivery from food company. Steaks. This team gets frazzled. Manager jumps right in, tries participating in everything, but his suit keeps getting more and more dirty, so he gets more and more fussy. It's crazy. Every time something needs to get done and people are volunteering, he runs back to the RV, changes into another suit and then comes out when he knows the work is done."
We had a second artist sketch the RV, because we ran out of money on the first sketch artist:
"At one point, they collected all of their dirty clothes, prepared to wash them in a small river off the lake, and piled them to the side. Their manager thinks this is some sort of ritual forest nap, lies down on the pile, and they can't move him for literally hours. It was quite upsetting. At one point, Karolina had to borrow Ryan Bader's sweater that she wore as a dress just to get through the evening. Dustin Poirier and Bader washed the clothes themselves at night, and hoped they would be dry by the morning. They were not. Meanwhile, here comes the manager rushing out of his RV with a delivered Starbucks Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappuccino."
We had no idea what that is, but it was instagrammed on the manager's account.
Our agency was shocked by both the price and the unusual small size of the manager's hands in the photograph. So too were comments made of his small, delicate fingers. The Texas GM gave multiple explanations including "it's forced perspective," and "why is your face so stupid?" and finally "because I was born that way you bastard!"
When the reporter asked a few members of the fight team why they tolerate it, the same answer came back: "money."
One fighter was quoted as saying "I just need to win some big money fights so I can buy my own gym and get the fuck out of here." That fighter was immediately traded when one of his own challenges for what he perceived would be a big money fight was rejected by the, arguably, better fighter. To protect those involved in this matter, we have decided not to disclose the name of the fighter that lost by KO (punches) just 4:14 into round 1 in the unnamed fight event that happens every 14th card of a season.
Another fighter pointed at his tent, now surrounded by waste and obvious recycling-potential material tossed about by the manager, and said "the ground is no place for a champion or recycling!"
When the manager finally - after not one but two full length play-throughs of George Straits "All My Ex's Live in Texas" - left the camp with a wave and a few more tosses of debris out his window because they were, quote, "gross and disgusting", the team regrouped around a fire created by Megan Anderson, as Cody Garbrandt kept circling it and yelling at it to start, until it did start and he backed away from embers that he punched at but kept getting burned, the team discussed what to do moving forward.
And that is where the idea of a team-wide challenge came about.
As the team collected themselves and climbed back on their mountain bikes to head back to the city after the synergy-retreat, they passed another nearby camp where the manager for xx - The King's Poison showed up in an SUV, smoking "at least 12 cigarettes" at one time, before tossing them, immediately creating a small forest fire the team put out, leaving the trees barren. Then their manager, as recalled by our reporter, was "trying to ski in the middle of summer, had a tuque on, a fake beard, his belly was showing over top his belt, and he immediately broke one of his skis, because, you know, it's fucking summer? And I am pretty sure he had a bag of crack in his pocket. He kept screaming 'fuck those trees, my skis won't work!'"
Sketch artist recreation:
Neither team has returned request for comment at this time.
UPDATE: We have received comment from The Texas Rattlesnakes
Aug 22, 2019 12:54:01 GMT -5 The Texas Rattlesnakes said:
On behalf of my team, and myself, I can assure you the alleged allegations of me and my team having a camping trip are completely false and adulterated. We were not camping. We were training in the woods. We did see some disturbing things going on with xx - The King's Poison , but aren't too sure what happened. The rest of that article is fake news, and my hands aren't tiny!Aug 22, 2019 12:58:44 GMT -5 The Texas Rattlesnakes said:
The only things going on at my camp that I didn't approve of were when Anthony Johnson showed up with some woman, and insisted on carrying her through all his workouts. He said she volunteered, but her reaction to being carried said otherwise.
Have 9 points in celebration of this monumental achievement!