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Post by The Mighty Ducks on Jan 22, 2016 8:31:09 GMT -5
so if the horse was abandoned by its previous herd, survived and then set on a course for revenge, it would be like the revenant, or the hoovenant, staring nolov the orlov trotter.
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on Jan 22, 2016 8:32:10 GMT -5
but if the horse is already dead, then they make it an example and cut off the head and throw it into some rich dude's bed as a warning. and that warning is "don't let your babies grow up to be cowboy horses, or they become like a stick in the mud."
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on Jan 22, 2016 8:47:32 GMT -5
i know a friend who pet a horse once. let's do horse jokes. ill play.
You Know You Have A Dressage Rider's TackRoom when...
1. You own dozens of snaffle bits and they're all exactly alike.
2. You have so many snaffle bridles that students look disgusted when you say, "Go get the snaffle bridle." Probably because they're like "which one, there's so many of them!" and then you stare at them in disgust because they aren't listening to your command, and they are students, and you contemplate feeding them salt and beating them with a jockey's whip.
3. You own every style of bootjack but still need help getting your boots off. so true, and your sock gets stuck sometimes. very frustrating, but it looks stylish, so, there's that.
4. You own every size, shape, and color spurs come in. but not pink. that's stupid.
5. You own the gallon size container of horse treats. it's so big! like super big!
6. Your last jumping saddle is getting dusty. but you can't dust it off because you lost your duster, and the swiffer company refuses to come to your house to shoot one of those weird commercials where they show up to your house and give you a duster. so you just pour some lysol in the area and walk away.
7. You own lots of dressage and lunging whips. yep.
8. You let everyone borrow anything except your favorite dressage saddle. and you eye people shiftily when they come over to your house to eat and they ask you to pass your favorite salad dressing. you secretly wonder if they know your last jumping saddle is dusty and all you've done is pour lysol around it. fucking snoopers.
9. You own every size, shape, and color dressage saddle pads come in. but most are soaked in lysol and you're not sure you can put them in the dryer. might catch fire. then your salad dressing cunt of a friend really has something he can throw in your face. and im not talking about the gallon of treats.
10. Your favorite girth is the one from the saddleseat catalog. or that girl named bertha. you start thinking of her as girth bertha, and drunk-dial her when the swiffer company hangs up on you for the seventh time today. she's an easy lay. or should i say, an easy "nayyyy". nah, im not gunna say that. she's a nice girl.
11. You own every style of gel pad available. i also own a gel pillow. they're comfy.
12. Your favorite gloves are falling apart but you can't bear the thought of throwing them out. also, they're made of bear skin, and you're afraid they'll be found by two white bears who fall into mud and three come out, but the third is just the gloves, and they are angry and they stalk you harder than you have been stalking the swiffer company.
13. You found a mouse nest at the bottom of the pile of unrolled polo wraps. but you're an animal lover, so you leave it, and offer a small tissue soaked in lysol so it can clean its mouse house properly. one time it squeaked at you and you were sure it was asking for something to use as a duster, but you cursed at it the same way the swiffer company woman cursed at you. it was rude and unnnecessary. so what if you own francine's dog now, she deserved it for that terrible customer service.
14. Your favorite trophy is the plaster cast of your seat from the custom saddle maker. you once tried to make a plaster of your ankles, but you smashed it against the wall when your dinner guest kept asking for your salad dressing. they don't visit anymore. you're lonely.
15. You favorite blue ribbon is from that show that no longer exists. your least favorite ribbon is the one you got tattooed on your arm thinking it was for cancer, but you got it colored black and silver, and weren't sure what it was even for. so you looked it up and found out its for pectus excavatum awareness. and then you googled it. and now you're terrified. you threw lysol at your monitor as a distraction as you fled the room. you blame francine for this mess.
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Post by xx - Former Bulldozers on Jan 22, 2016 15:24:18 GMT -5
What the fuck is wrong with you?
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on Jan 22, 2016 17:38:47 GMT -5
Hey man, I'm just horsing around.
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Ferocity
Black Belt (5th Degree)
Posts: 3,455
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Post by Ferocity on Jan 22, 2016 19:38:56 GMT -5
ba doom doom pshhhhh
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Post by The Sandmen on Jan 22, 2016 20:04:21 GMT -5
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on Jan 22, 2016 20:06:48 GMT -5
i made my gf listen to these jokes, and she hated them. you guys suck at being funny.
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Post by The Sandmen on Jan 22, 2016 20:26:28 GMT -5
Maybe your girlfriend is a cun....cunning person with some better jokes she could offer us?
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Post by xx - Former Bulldozers on Jan 22, 2016 20:55:20 GMT -5
Ohhhhhh do I get a point for this? |
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Post by The Sandmen on Jan 22, 2016 23:27:37 GMT -5
Ohhhhhh do I get a point for this? I will remember it come next season's Member awards voting.  |
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Have 9 points in celebration of this monumental achievement!
Jan 21, 2021 13:09:55 GMT -5
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Have 9 points in celebration of this monumental achievement!
Jan 21, 2021 13:09:55 GMT -5
*
