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Post by The Rocketmen on May 18, 2016 6:20:47 GMT -5
I agree, I hope there's more because it's wicked.
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 6:57:23 GMT -5
Glad you all are enjoying it. Now here's more! POKER FACE: Helps you play the game better AND look like a shitty knock off of Hannibal Lector.  CANOE BIKE: Because you're not biking hardcore unless there's a canoe involved.  VIBRA-FINGER: Good invention, wrong application. Now your vagina won't get gingivitis.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 6:59:28 GMT -5
FAMILY BIKE: It's hard getting everyone together to spend quality time. This bike helps.  HANDS-FREE BABY HOLDER: Tired of holding your baby? Tired of that pesky chore of ensuring you make contact with them? Fear No More.  SWIM MASK: Helps make sure you protect your hair and not get water in your ear. It also threatens to kill you, and can conceal your identity when you intentionally drown other swimmers.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:01:31 GMT -5
TOASTER BACON: Admit it. You'd still try it.  SCALP MASSAGER: You know what's free to use? Your fingers.  DIMPLE MAKER: Wear this device forever and everyone will think you have beautiful dimples. Also, that you're probably a public fetishist.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:04:57 GMT -5
NO RISK OF ANY KIND: It's a hair-growing hat, and if it doesn't work, well then that sucks and you can return it. But if it does work, keep wearing it. Simple enough, except that it looks like the dunce caps.  TOILET MASK: Horrible name, by the way. It's clears up acne and whatnot, but at first glance at the name I'd guess I'd have to piss on it first.  EGG CUBER: For those folks who are disgusted by the shape "oval".  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:08:00 GMT -5
CANCER STICK: Love smoking? Then you'll love this!  SOLAR BATH APPARATUS: I just love that it says "cure diseases of the head." Head diseases are the worst! Then I equally love that the description has to tell you that it's not a camera or a telescope - because those are the things people think it is. Oh, it's German. Makes sense.  THE WOOD WALKER: Teach your baby how to walk by making it take giant adult steps with their tiny legs. Gotta stretch those muscles!  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:09:30 GMT -5
GAS-POWERED ROLLER SKATES: Holy shit! It exists! From Page 2:  The Real Deal!  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:12:12 GMT -5
HEAD SHOWER PROTECTOR: So you can do your makeup and THEN shower, or something, or you suffer from backward-tasking? Like, you can't do things in proper order? And that's some sort of medical condition? Like a head disease that the solar apparatus couldn't cure? I don't know...  DOG CATCHER: Step one - wait until dog stops moving. Step two - fiddle with the weird claw device. Step three - catch the dog. Step four - serve on top of salad with croutons and shaved parmesan.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:13:33 GMT -5
SMOKE UMBRELLA: Holy shit! This was actually made too! From Page 2:  The Real Deal!  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:15:47 GMT -5
SPRAY-TAN MACHINE: Bored at the gas station? Tan yourself!  BIRDCAGE FACE: To perfect the beauty of birds, wear this bird cage face. I mean, birds are pretty, and some live in cages, so wear the cage and be pretty too?  SAUSAGE FLOATERS: Wrap yourself with inflatable balloons in the form of sausages, and go swimming and float with your friends. Afterward, take the inflatables and turn them into farm animals and hand them out at a children's birthday party.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:18:01 GMT -5
GIGANTIC HORNS: Signal the apocalypse and terrify your enemies, and then say "nah, just kidding". They won't hear the just kidding part though, because their ear drums will have ruptured.  HOT-LAMP ROTISSERIE: It's not chicken unless it's cooked-under-a-hundred-lamps chicken.  THE COFFIN COMPANION: It's like the side-car, except stupider.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:20:09 GMT -5
RETRO-DJ: I am positive this is how they figured out how to scratch before they pop and locked.  HEAVY LIFE-PROOF VEST: Wear this and experience literally nothing. Also, it's heavy.  HAIR-FLYER: It's more than just a hair-dryer if it's powered by a jet engine. Gives you that perfect "I left the top down" look.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:25:50 GMT -5
TAG-TEAM SMOKING: Are you tired of smoking alone? Do you wish you could smoke tobacco through a pen? Then have I got a surprise for you! (Friend sold separately)  FLYING BIKE: Guys on left look confident, guy on right is totally second guessing himself. And the fourth guy behind the guys on the left is the world's first failed photo-bomber.  PHONE-LESS TV PHONE: It's a smart phone with Netflix, only without the phone and without Netflix. Also, the dude is very amused that he invented this tiny tv.  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:29:02 GMT -5
BOMB SHELTER: Wartime fun for the whole family.  RADIO-VIEWER: Watch the radio?  THE DOLL LISTENER: Everyone knows that dolls are just re-created synthetic babies that died of SIDS or of living before 2007. Now, you can "listen" to what they might have had to say, like "man, that SIDS is a real pain in the ass" and "what's up with baby food, amiright?" Basically, all dead babies are comedians.  GUN CAMERA ROULETTE: I'll tell you what's the worst thing of all with this device, and it's not the fact that it might shoot you in the face. Even worse than that. It only snaps in portrait mode! Oh the fucking humanity!  |
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Post by The Mighty Ducks on May 18, 2016 7:30:56 GMT -5
MOTORIZED UNICYCLE: I'll be honest - I'd totally try this. Warning: Probably gives you a bad case of the hemorrhoids.  HOVER-STAND: I need this in my life immediately.  BULLET GUARD: Like, I get it, but fuck it's weird and I'm certain people died testing it.  |
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Have 9 points in celebration of this monumental achievement!
Jan 21, 2021 13:09:55 GMT -5
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Have 9 points in celebration of this monumental achievement!
Jan 21, 2021 13:09:55 GMT -5
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